


Mysterious And Spooky

by TheCrampReturns



Series: Crossovers In Time And Space [2]
Category: Doctor Who, Men in Black (Movies), The Addams Family (1991)
Genre: Black Comedy, Comedy, Dark Humor, Gen, Mystery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-13
Updated: 2015-05-13
Packaged: 2018-03-30 08:10:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3929416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCrampReturns/pseuds/TheCrampReturns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor takes Ace to have dinner with his old friends The Addams's. They're a strange lot, but things are only about to get stranger when not one but two uninvited guests threaten to tear the family apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introductions

**Author's Note:**

> And so begins my second fic in this little "crossover saga" I've got goin'. This time around it's a three-way story, with my (at the moment) second favorite Doctor, Sylvester McCoy
> 
> The Addams' will be based largely on their film versions, and while I assume both that movie and Men In Black are set in the year they came out, I decided it wouldn't be too harmful to just shift things around time-wise, for the sake of the story.
> 
> But whatever, on with the show.

We begin inside the home of one particularly spooky family. A pair of children by the names Pugsley and Wednesday were amusing themselves as only children could.

Whilst the former lay underneath a swinging pendulum, the latter had a large whirring blade making its way to where she lay chained. The intent was to see which method would be most effective for future games of their's.

Overseeing the event to make sure nothing interrupted was the children's Uncle Fester.

"I'm telling you kids, this isn't necessary." Said Fester with a smile. "When your father and I did this, the saw always came out on top!"

"It may cut faster," Wednesday said in her usual dour tone, "But sometimes you want the results to be more...drawn out."

It was just then that Morticia, the matriarch of the family, stepped into the children's room. She gave her son and daughter a small smile and a shake of the head.

"Now Wednesday, Pugsley, you know your father is having a guest over. Are you certain you want to tucker yourselves out with games before they arrive?"

After the siblings shared a glance and a shrug, Wednesday looked up to her mother.

"I suppose further study can be postponed for the moment." she said.

Morticia nodded.

"Fester," she said as she exited the room and headed down the stairs, "be a dear and untie them."

"Aw, but it was just getting to the good part." Fester mumbled, doing as he was told nonetheless.

* * *

 

"So who is this friend of Gomez' anyway?" Fester asked Morticia as they and the children walked to the dining room.

"Ah yes, they met while you were still missing." Morticia said. "He's a doctor, and a very agreeable sort. He's paid us a few visits now, I'm sure you'll get along. Not to mention he and Gomez are always swapping stories."

"Speaking of that husband of yours, where is he?" asked Grandmama.

The eldest of the family was working over the cauldron, preparing that night's meal, when suddenly a foil came spinning into the room and just barely missing her as it pinned itself into the wall.

The family looked to foil, their question effectively answered.

"Fencing." They said in unison, as Grandmama pulled the foil from the wall and dropped it into the cauldron.

Just next door, Morticia's husband was fencing with a floating, disembodied hand.

"That's two-to-zero, Thing!" he said enthusiastically, having just won another round against the hand. As Thing went to grab another foil, a knock was heard on the front door.

"Ah-HA!" Gomez yelled, gaining the rest of the family's attention as he bolted to the door, where the manservant Lurch was waiting at the door.

"Well?" Gomez prodded, "Come on, open it up, Lurch old man."

"He certainly is early." Morticia noted as she and the others followed Gomez, gathering at the door to greet their guest.

"Doctor, old man!" Gomez yelled as Lurch opened the door. "How lovely to see y-"

Gomez never got to finish that sentence, as at that exact moment a red flash rang out in front of them, momentarily blinding the whole family.

Exactly what happened next, they would have a fuzzy time remembering.

* * *

 

The stark white corridors of the TARDIS where filled with the sound of clattering footsteps, as a young woman by the name of Dorothy Gale 'Ace' McShane wandered through them.

"Hey Doctor!" called Ace, bundles of clothes piled in her arms, "What exactly should I be wearing to this... _thing_ that we're going to, anyway?"

In the console, the man she addressed was sitting calmly in a foldable chair, his feet propped up on the console and a cup of tea in his hand.

"It's not a 'thing', Ace." The Doctor admonished, raising the cup to his lips, "It's a dinner party. Honestly, must you use that word to describe everything?"

"I know, I know. But if it's hosted by these friends of yours, I wanna make sure I look right by them, you know?"

This elicited a chuckle from The Doctor. "Honestly, I'd say you'd be right by them in just about anything. They're not the type to judge."

"Well if that's the case I'm going with my usual jacket." said Ace with a grin.

"Oh, and by the way, have you got of that Nitro 9 on you?" The Doctor asked, referring to the girl's favored homemade explosive.

"Yeah." Ace answered as she entered the console room. She was in a simple shirt and skirt underneath her large leather jacket, filled to the brim with sewn on badges and even her name. "Why, do you want me to leave it?"

"No, no." said The Doctor with a shake of the head. "By all means, bring it. They love that sort of thing. Now, why don't you sit down and have some tea?"

Ace raised an eyebrow, but then gave a shrug as she grabbed a cup and took a sip.

Moments later, the TARDIS materialized outside of a rather large and imposing gothic estate. It wasn't quite a giant stone Pennsylvanian Castle, but to Ace it certainly gave off the vibe of one.

"That's where they live?" asked the girl as she and The Doctor left the blue box. The man himself was wearing his usual hat and quasi on mark vest, along with his scarf and brown coat. His trusty umbrella was held in his hand.

"Indeed it is." he said.

"...Wicked."

"Very."

* * *

 

The Doctor raised his umbrella and knocked it against the door. This relatively loud noise was followed by a much louder shout of "Ah-HA!", and a moment later the door swung open, greeting Ace and. The Doctor with a rather odd sight.

The one who had opened the door was a a rather large and imposing man. He reminded Ace of Frankenstein's Monster, only paler and nicely dressed. Next to him was a man in a pinstriped suit with slicked hair, wild eyes and a large grin.

"DOCTOR!" shouted the suited man, pulling The Doctor into a hug.

"Gomez!" said The Doctor, pulling out of the hug to point between Gomez and Ace.

"Gomez, this is Ace. Ace, say hello to Gomez Addams."

"Hey." Said Ace as she accepted a rather vigorous handshake from Gomez.

"Nice to meet you, dear."

"Yes," said the tall woman with a hand on Gomez' shoulder. "Very nice indeed."

She had a pitch black dress that was both imposing and elegant. Oddly enough, though the room seemed to be well lit, her face appeared to be in a perpetual half-shadow. A band of light from her nose to the bottom of her forehead was all that kept her from being in complete shade. With long black hair and red lips, she gave the impression of a vampire.

"Morticia!" The Doctor said, raising the woman's free hand to lips. "Beautiful as ever."

As Ace introduced herself, The Doctor pulled his hat off and knelt down to face the two kids near Morticia.

"Pugsley, Wednesday, you've grown quite a bit."

"It's because of the torture rack!" Pugsley said proudly.

"The what?" Ace said, leaning over as if to confirm what she'd heard.

"Nothing!" The Doctor said. "Hey, kids, have a look here."

The Doctor then waved a hand over his hat and snapped his fingers, before pulling a dead rabbit out of his head. With a smile, he handed the corpse to the children.

"I get the skull." Said Wednesday to her brother. "You can keep the entrails."

As Pugsley nodded his head, Ace turned from the very off-putting children, only to see yet another strange sight.

Standing above the children was a pale, hunched over man with sunken in eyes, a toothy grin, and no hair to speak of. Ace flinched away from the man with a shout, as he seemed to be sniffing her. Or, more specifically, her backpack.

"I smell...*sniff*...nitroglycerin." he said, as The Doctor rose to meet the man.

"Why hello." He said. "I don't think we've met."

"Ah, yes!" said Gomez, grabbing the Doctor's hand and clasping it to Fester's. "This is my beloved, despised, long-lost, and recently un-lost brother Fester!"

The Doctor raised his hat to Fester, before turning to the Frankenstein-looking man.

"Hello Lurch." he said, before Gomez enthusiastically led him and the others back to kitchen.

"Come in, come in, we've left you out long enough. Dinner's about ready."

Ace was left alone with Lurch momentarily, as he closed the door behind the lot of them.

"...Hey." she said with a short wave.

Lurch gave only a groan in response. After a pause, Ace simply went to follow the others.

* * *

 

"So," The Doctor said, "memory restoration properties via lightning, eh? Must say I've never truly looked into that..."

Gomez gave a hearty laugh in response.

"There's things that the great wide universe can't teach, that you can only learn in this house my friend."

As the family entered the kitchen, they moved to sit down, while The Doctor stood frozen at the head of the table.

"Professor?" Ace said, using her common nickname for the Time Lord. "What's wrong."

Not giving an answer, The Doctor merely looked at the far side of the table. Stating directly across from him was what looked like a relatively young African-American man. Clad in both a black suit and a frown, the man remained silent and eyed the two newcomers with a look of suspicion before Gomez gave him a pat on the shoulder.

"McTaggert, my friend. Meet an old friend of ours, The Doctor. And Ace."

A pause followed, before Gomez decided to pick up again.

"This here is Agent McTaggert. He's here to inspect the house, make sure it's up to...some standards or another." It seemed like Gomez couldn't resist rolling his eyes on that last sentence.

Eventually, everyone had sat themselves down, and Gomez continued to catch The Doctor up. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, but Ace couldn't help but notice more quick glances shared between The Doctor and the man in black.

Little did any of them know, there was yet another guest in the house. One that none of them were aware of. One that was stalking the halls at that very moment.


	2. Dinner

Ace _hated_ spooky mansions. The last time The Doctor had dragged her to one, her deeply rooted fear had been alleviated a bit, but there was still something about the general atmosphere of such places that freaked her out.

Though in this case, said atmosphere was more likely due to her food leering at her.

She made a noise from the back of her throat, as if uncertain whether or not she wanted to commit to complaining. She looked from The Doctor to the family surrounding her unsure if rejecting the meal offered her would get her put in a hearse.

Thankfully, this 'McTaggert' person was fine with vocalizing her opinions.

"Did anyone else get an eye in their food?" He asked, "Cause I'll be honest, I feel like I'm on one of those hidden camera shows."

"Mama's food can be a bit rough on a first try." said Morticia with a smile. She pulled out a small vile of something and poured a smidgen on Ace's food.

"That should make it a tad more agreeable." she said.

Ace, still unconvinced, looked to The Doctor, who only gave her an encouraging nod. So she took a spoonful of the stuff, being careful to avoid even touching an eyeball and brought it to her lips with extreme hesitance. Perhaps it was due purely to expectation, but the food, while by no means good, was not completely awful either.

"What did you put on there, anyway?" Ace asked, tentatively trying another spoonful.

"Nothing much," said Morticia, "just cyanide."

Ace spit her food out within a split second, and with eyes almost bigger than their own dinner plates, both she and McTaggert pushed their plates away.

"Really, Ace?" The Doctor said with a chastising tone. "You've gone and got it all over the table."

"Oh, it's fine old man." Gomez said, quickly wiping the mess up. "We've gotten some much more violent reactions in the past."

"I wonder why!" Ace shouted, "It's a miracle you even have guests when you try to kill 'em like that!"

"Oh calm down Ace." The Doctor said nonchalantly. "I put a preemptive counter agent in our tea on the way here. You're going to be fine. You humans put so much poison in your food anyway I'm surprised you have a problem with it."

Though he had muttered that last sentence, The Doctor took silent notice as McTaggert seemed to perk up at the comment.

At that Ace calmed down slightly, but still looked on with revulsion as Fester grinned, taking her and McTaggert's plates for themselves under the correct assumption that they wouldn't be eating anymore.

"More for me!" he said excitedly.

"Forgive us." Morticia said, "We've learned learned to be a bit more conservative with sharing our toppings with others. But The Doctor has shown a remarkably high tolerance for it in the past, so we figured you'd be just as fine."

"Well thanks for the assumption." Ace muttered bitterly.

"So Doctor," Gomez said slyly, "have you been up to any traveling recently? Met any more friends from 'out of town'?"

"You ask that as if it ever stops." The Doctor said with a chuckle. "Yes, just last week Ace and I paid a visit to Japan, didn't we Ace? We had an encounter with some Xiliens, the devils."

"Some what now?" McTaggert asked, his attention now fully focused on The Doctor.

"Oh, some xenophobes, I said. It was rather sad, really."

"Uh...huh." Said the agent hesitantly.

"And what about you, McTaggert? Exactly what agency are you a part of?"

"Health and safety." The man answered quickly. "Just making sure this house is a safe environment."

"How's that working out for you?" Wednesday asked, deadpan.

"Oh, just...just fine." The man said, turning from the girl to The Doctor and Ace with a shake of the head, making it clear he meant the opposite.

Just then, a loud banging sound could heard from upstairs. Everyone looked up from the table, but no one said anything until the sound repeated itself.

"Fester," Morticia said, "be a dear and make sure that's not Uncle Knick-Knack trying to escape again."

Fester saluted, murmuring something from his still full mouth as he went up the stairs to go check on the noise.

"Well, McTaggert, I do hope you're finding everything ship-shape." Gomez said confidently. "There really is no reason to fear; this house is perhaps the safest place I know."

Just then, the sound of Fester's bloodcurdling scream could be heard throughout the house.

"Um...is he alright? " Ace asked the table, none of whom (sans McTaggert) seemed the least bit unnerved.

"Most likely." The Doctor said. "It's Fester, he's probably just taking one of the slides again."

"Or the bed of spikes I tied to the ceiling of his room finally came down." Pugsley said, rubbing his hands in glee.

Ace and McTaggert shared a look of panic, before leaving their seats and going to check on the man.

Ace opened the door to a large white room. The decapitated Barbie dolls strewn across the floor led her to believe it was the children's' room.

"Well, at least they know how to properly use their Barbies." she said with a smirk.

Suddenly, the same banging noise from earlier occurred, jolting Ace as she closed the door before looking around. In the corner of her eye, she could have sworn she saw something move.

Before she could be certain, she heard McTaggert announce that he'd found. Fester. Ace came to see the bald man head in his hands in the middle of the bathroom. As Ace took hold of him and brought him downstairs, McTaggert took notice of the cracked mirror on the bathroom wall.

As he joined the others downstairs, McTaggert jumped slightly as the still shaking Fester pointed at him.

"You!" He said. "It's good you're here! You're right, this place isn't safe at all!"

At this, the family gave a surprised look.

"What on Earth are you talking about?" Gomez asked. "What happened to you up there."

"And what happened to the mirror?" McTaggert asked.

"I went up there to see about the noise, and then I saw...SOMETHING moving up there. And then, and then, I don't remember. There was a flash of light, and the next thing I remember, I was smashing the mirror." Fester was practically biting his nails.

"Can you blame me? Look at me! I'M HIDEOUS! And this place, this family- we couldn't be more unsafe if we tried. We just fed a girl POISON for Pete's sake!"

" _THANK YOU!"_ Ace shouted, throwing her hands up.

"A-and...I ate it, too," Fester said, before running to the kitchen to vomit.

"Well of course you did!" Gomez said. "We all did! Because we like it. Because we're Addams's!"

At this, Fester paused, then turned to his brother.

"Why do we say that?" He questioned. "Why do we always say 'Addams's'?"

Gomez gaped, as if this was the most outrageous question he'd ever heard.

"Because that's what we are."

"The correct term is 'Addams'."

"Addams's."

"Addams'."

"ADDAMS'S!"

"ADDAMS'."

"HAVE YOU GONE MAD!?"

"Did Uncle Fester lose his memory again?" Pugsley interjected.

"Why are you both SCREAMING?" Ace asked.

"Look," said McTaggert, "I know nobody cares at this point but I ain't paying to get that mirror fixed. But now there's broken glass all over the place and someone's gonna cut themselves or something."

"If we're lucky." Wednesday said.

McTaggert simply peered at the others around him before pointing at Wednesday.

"That girl needs help." He said.

A loud cough from The Doctor steered everyone's attention back onto him, as he arose from his seat and looked to Fester.

"Obviously," he's started, "something has happened to dear Uncle Fester, and if we want to fix, finding out what exactly it was should be our first step. So with that said..."

The Doctor pulled out an instrument with a red tip, that Ace recognized as the Sonic Screwdriver.

"Let's pick his brain."

"...I'll get the scalpel." said Gomez with a defeated sigh.


	3. Interrogations

 

The members of the household were collectively gathered around Fester as he sat in the electric chair in the middle of the children's room. A helmet of rather complicated design was placed on his head, The Doctor running the screwdriver over it and muttering to himself.

"Wanna tell me again why your kids have an electric chair in their room?" McTaggert asked Morticia as he leaned on said chair.

"They asked." answered the matriarch. "I know it may be a bit irresponsible to just give them whatever toys they want, but they earned it."

"That's the idle wealthy for you, I guess." Ace muttered.

"Yeeeeeaaaaah," drawled McTaggert, eyeing the guillotine that was dangerously close to him, before seeming to visibly give up on any expectations of normalcy.

"I'm gonna just, go downstairs and clean up the plates and stuff. Gonna leave ya'll here to...whatever the hell this is." said the man, pointing amongst the others in the room before waving them off and exiting the room.

Ace watched the man leave, before moving toward The Doctor and glancing at the formerly-electric chair.

"So Professor, what exactly is...this?" she asked, the Time Lord looking up from his work to answer her.

"Rigged the chair with some bits of kit from the TARDIS. Uses the electric waves running through the chair to power the dome up top." Rapping the tip of his umbrella against the aforementioned headpiece, The Doctor then pointed to what looked like a polygraph near the chair.

"A lie detector?" asked Morticia.

"Yes a lie detector, but modified to be temporally transcendental. I ask dearest Fester an assortment of questions about tonight's events, and the machine keeps track of his brainwaves, comparing them to his past brainwaves so that I can observe any changes in his thought process."

"...I don't get it." said Pugsley after a lengthy silence.

"We're not sure what's causing this sudden change in your uncles mindset, so the sooner we get a reading on what's changed, the sooner we can go about trying to fix it. For all we know, this might not even be something that can be fixed."

The Doctor immediately anticipated the resounding gasp that followed, and responded with a quick shrug.

"What I mean is, this could be a totally natural phenomenon. A sudden but completely foreseeable onset of dementia, perhaps. Or it could be the result of external forces. Say, for instance..."

"Covert injections of cocaine." Wednesday interrupted.

"Not what I was going to say, but with this family, anything's possible."

"I'm right here, you know?" came the voice of Fester, who had looked notably uncomfortable throughout the conversation. Ignoring him, The Doctor finished his tinkering and turned to Ace.

"And don't you think, Ace," he whispered, "that the one external force we know to be here has just found a convenient excuse to leave the room?"

The two traveling companions shared a knowing look, as The Doctor patted Ace on the shoulder.

"I thought going to clean the plates sounded a bit suspicious." Ace said.

"Go see what McTaggert's up to. I'll handle things here."

Ace left without another word, and The Doctor stepped in front of Fester.

"Pugsley, fire up the chair."

With a gleeful smile, the boy did so, visible electricity traveling through the chair.

"Ok, Fester," he said, "I'm going to ask you some questions."

Before said questions could be asked, Gomez interrupted and with a grand flourish, yelled "Who are you and what have you done to Fester Addams!?"

"I am Fester Addams!" said the pale man, visibly trying to loose himself from his restraints. The Doctor moved to the polygraph, noting the two results to be nearly identical.

"And who are we?" He asked Fester suddenly, "Who are we to you?"

"You're my family, of course! Plus friend. My brother, sister in law, niece and nephew- why are you asking me this?"

"Ok, so he's aware of who he is, so not a case of possession or amnesia."

"Then what's doing this to you, man?" pleaded Gomez to his brother.

"Doing what? Just because I've suddenly become sensible to this...disgusting lifestyle-"

"Focus on today, Fester, this night." The Doctor said, gesturing to calm a red faced Gomez, "After dinner, where did you go?"

"Well," Fester said after a pause to think, "I went to check on the noise..."

"And did you find it? Did you find what made that noise?"

"I...don't think so?"

* * *

Meanwhile, McTaggert was indeed in the Family kitchen. From an outside angle, it would certainly looked as though he was only washing dishes. In reality however, he had simply kept the plates near him for other, more practical purposes.

"Zed?" he said, lifting his sleeve slightly to reveal a communicator strapped on his wrist, "Yo, Zed!"

On the communicator appeared a bearded man by the name of Zed, with a gruff voice and cynical glint in his eyes.

"Ah," said Zed, "Agent J, at last. How are things on the Addams' case?"

"Would it mean anything if I said I'm only talking to you for a rock amongst the sea of bullshit?"

"Yes." the man said with a laugh, "It would say that we put you on this for a reason. We've been getting reports about this family of weirdos for years now. There's no way they're human, and since the Men In Black doesn't have an 'Addams Clan' registered, that can only mean they're illegals."

"Trust me," said Agent J/McTaggert with a shake of the head, "nothing about these guys screams 'human'. And now hat I've got a bunch of food samples, I can use the DNA to tell just what they are." with that J had set up some equipment to do just that. "I'm telling you Zed, you shoulda sent me a partner to balance out this freakshow."

Zed rolled his eyes at that. "Not this again, J. You nueralyzed your last three partners. No more toys for a while until you learn how to appreciate them. I want those DNA results by 11 sharp. The sooner we know who these people are the sooner we can deal with them."

11 o' clock. That would give J roughly two hours. More than enough time to determine the family's species.

"Look, Zed, I don't get those results to you on time, I want boys crawling all over this place. A friend of the family just showed up, and I think he may be the nuttiest of the bunch."

"How nutty?"

"Macguyvering up a brainwave-reader in minutes nutty."

"Look into him too. Keep us posted."

J shut off the communicator, and went back to work before the sound of a clearing throat made him turn around. In doing so he saw Ace leaning against the kitchen doorway. He look on her face told J that she had heard everything.

"So, 'McTaggert'." the girl asked with visible air quotes , "What's the Men In Black?"

* * *

 

"So you don't remember seeing anything?"

"Well, not necessarily..."

"Try to think hard. If you do remember something, was it moving? Was it alive?"

"I DONT KNOW! Now untie me from this chair, you could kill me!"

"I highly doubt it, but isn't the fun in the risk?"

The Doctor and Fester had been going back and forth with questions and answers for a while now, with the former checking the polygraph frequently.

"What's fun about death, you sicko?!"

The family recoiled as the Doctor turned to them.

"Alright, something has indeed externally effected his brainwave patterns, this isn't a naturally occurring phenomenon. Something that's still in this house somewhere has changed him, made him...er...'normal'."

At that word, Morticia raised a hand to her lips. Pugsley and Wednesday paled considerably. Gomez gave a shout of anguish, Thing flopped to the floor, Lurch groaned and Mama spit into the corner of the room.

* * *

 

"Look," said J, rubbing his forehead, "I don't exactly have time to explain-"

"Yeah?" Ace asked, clearly peeved. "Well I don't think it's so good that you're messing with this family. We may not exactly be best mates, me and them, but The Professor trusts them so-" before Ace could complete her sentence, J had pulled a metal tube from his pocket, along with what looked like a pair of sunglasses. Placing on the glasses, J raised the tube and pointed toward it.

"Look here." He said, before a blinding red light filled the room. Ace stared fixed at the source of the light, before it dimmed half a second later.

"Go back the way you came." J said quickly, "Anyone asks, you saw me washing dishes."

Nodding slowly, Ace turned the way she came and walked back upstairs to the children's room, leaving J to give an exhausted sigh and return to his focus.

"-Everyone keep their wits about them." Ace heard The Doctor say as she entered.

"Whatever's in here with us can completely alter the way you think. Until we know what it is, we don't know how to reverse it, so if you see anything out of place, find the rest of us immediately. Ah, Ace! What was McTaggert doing?"

Ace had a fuzzy look about her as she barely acknowledged the greeting.

"N-nothing." She said, "Washing dishes."

Sending something wrong, The Doctor went right up to her and held her eyelids open.

"Ack- Professor! What're you doing?" Ace asked, pushing him away.

"You're pupils are dilated."

"...Uh, what?" Ace questioned.

"Bark like a dog." was The Doctor's reply.

Impulsively, Ace gave a hearty "Woof" before covering her mouth and looking at The Doctor with wide eyes.

"She's well trained." said Wednesday.

"You shut up!" Ace said to the younger girl with a raised finger and a glare, before looking back to The Doctor. "Professor, why did I do that?"

"I'm afraid you've been nueralyzed." The Doctor said.

"I've been...what?"

"Affected by a neuralyzer; a bit of mind altering tech that corrodes short term memory and makes the victim highly susceptible to commands for a short period of time. I suspect McTaggert has just nueralyzed you and then sent us back up here to keep us unaware of what he's doing."

"But why would he do that?" Gomez asked.

"On Earth," The Doctor said, "a nueralyzed are primarily used as tools of the M.I.B. An organization that handles many relations between Earth and registered visiting species'. I suspected from the moment I saw him that McTaggert was among their ranks, thanks Ace for confirming."

"Hang on, so he just erased my memory?" Ace asked enraged, "Well what are we going to do about it?"

There was an expectant silence as everyone looked to The Doctor.

"We're going to tell him everything." he said, before exiting the room.

"What!?" Ace asked, following him along with the rest of the family. "Why?"

"There are worse things than a Men In Black agent in this house right now Ace, and we need all the help we can get!"

Ace groaned, taking his word for it. As they all rushed down the stairs, the sole remaining occupant of the children's room was left to himself.

"Hello?" Fester asked, shaking in his restrains again. "Is anyone gonna untie me?"


	4. Suspense

Agent J stood in the family kitchen, looking over the machine his superior Zed had given him for the sake of his assignment. Inside of it were the various leftovers the Addams' had abandoned in their concern for Uncle Fester.

J shuddered to himself. Who named their kid Fester anyway? If the MIB's assumption proved true, it certainly wasn't anybody human.

The sound of approaching footsteps snapped him out of his thoughts, and he scrambled to hide the machine before the entire building (sans Fester) walked in on him.

"Give it a rest, Agent." said The Doctor, before J had the chance to do much of anything. "We know you're affiliated with the Men In Black."

There was a short period of silence, wherein J had tried and failed to form a response. Reaching again for his shades and neuralyzer, he had barely raised the tube up before the Doctor produced his own instrument. A buzzing was heard, and the sonic screwdriver dimmed the red light of the neuralyzer before it could even be used.

"Tsk-tsk-tsk." The doctor said as J looked in disbelief at his tool, "so quick to pull out the old neuralyzer, eh? I really wish they didn't encourage you to use those things so often. They so badly hinder communication."

Having finally regained his composure, J raised an eyebrow at the small man.

"Communication regarding what exactly?"

"Well, a number of things. Almost everything now that I ponder it..."

While the Doctor seemed momentarily distracted, Morticia took the time to speak.

"Mr. McTaggert," she said, putting J off slightly with her oddly-shadowed gaze, "I'm a bit disappointed that you felt the need to hide the truth from us. The Doctor has told us what you're most likely here for, and I assure you, if you wanted to run tests on us we would have gladly volunteered."

"...I'll keep that in mind for next time." J said, having trouble thinking of a different response.

"And good god, man," Gomez said, "if you wanted to know if we were human, all you had to do was ask."

J gave the couple a look, as if egging them to continue, before realizing they literally wanted him to ask.

"Are you human?" He asked.

"Of course we are!" Gomez said with a smile, slapping J on the back. "What else would we be?"

"Forgive me if I call crap on that." J said. "The MIB's been watching your family for a whole, and there ain't much human about you."

"Well whatever do you mean?" Morticia asked innocently.

"He means you're different." The Doctor interjected, looking over the neuralyzer before pocketing it. J looked into his own hands, then back at The Doctor. He had failed to realize exactly when it had left his grasp and entered The Doctor's.

"Sorry, didn't I mention?" The Doctor said, "Sleight of hand happens to be one of my speci-al-ities. It's not like you'll be needing it."

"And why should I trust you with it?" J asked, taking a step toward The Doctor, who didn't waver even slightly.

"Because, Agent, there's something else that very likely isn't human in this house, and if we're going to catch it, we'll need your assistance."

"...Go on." J said.

"Whatever's in this house," The Doctor said softly, causing the others to gather around him, "hasn't affected effected Fester's memory at all. And yet it's completely changed his behavior, his tastes. That could lead to a number of problems down the road, so best course of action from my viewpoint would be to split up into groups, search the house and we shouldn't have any trouble finding whatever's responsible. Once we do, we report back with Fester and reverse the process."

"Wait, we're splitting up?" Ace asked.

"Of course, I figured you'd prefer it that way Ace. We'll cover more ground."

"Sorry if I don't think splitting up in a creepy old mansion can lead to anything good." Ace said, before looking to the Addams's. "No offense."

"None taken. " said Morticia and Gomez earnestly.

"So that's agreed." The Doctor said, despite there being no actual agreement. "Let's start the search."

* * *

 

J walked with Pugsley down one of the many corridors that littered the Addams' estate. Truth be told he wasn't entirely sure how he'd managed to get paired up with the kid. He had intended to follow the Doctor, observing the strange man. His knowledge of the MIB led J to see him as quite the liability. He was beyond skeptical at the Addams' claim to being human, but even if they weren't he was certain this 'Doctor" now posed a more potent issue. Somehow J had let him talk circles around him then proceed to take his neuralyzer like there was nothing to it. And now he was just doing what the man had asked and looking for some miscellaneous alien that may not even exist.

"And here's Uncle Fester's room." said Pugsley, interrupting the agent's thoughts. He was leaning into the room, searching it for any movement. "Think it could be in here?"

"Well that depends what IT is, doesn't it?" J said, eyeing the young boy skeptically.

"What do you think it is? I think it's a giant squid."

"Yeah, I'm sure it is. Wait, what?"

"Or at least, I hope it is. That'd be fun."

J shook his head, sighing at the boy. "And you wonder why an entire organization thinks you guys are aliens..."

"What would you do if we were aliens?"

"Forced registration and relocation, probably." J said, the WORS leaving his mouth a split second before he could realize how bad it sounded. For the first time since their conversation started, Pugsley turned to face J.

"But we'd still be together, right?"

J's eyes widened just slightly, and he turned away from the boy.

"Yeah." He answered, his voice betraying his uncertainty. "Of course. I mean, it's not like you even have to worry about it anyway, right? Like your parents said, you're all human."

"Probably." The boy said with a shrug, refocusing his attention on the room.

J rolled his eyes in exasperation. This entire family was just intent on jerking his chain. They and this Doctor might have very well been trying to distract him with this wild goose chase. Checking his watch, J saw that he still had well over an hour before he had to report to Zed.

"Why don't you have a closer look." The man said, prodding Pugsley into the room, before quickly closing the door behind him. Taking a look at the knob, J noticed that it locked from the outside. No longer bothering to question it, J locked the door before turning to leave. The one plus side of being paired with a child is that they were easy to shake off. J resolved to find and question the Doctor, before he could be distracted any further.

Had J stayed a moment longer, he would have heard Pugsley shout in surprise, or seen the flash of light that crept through the doorway, if only for a second.

* * *

 

"'Let's start the search'." Ace mimicked, with Lurch and Grandma Addams walking on either side of her. "Of course the Professor neglected to bring me on his team. Instead he had to go along with little Miss Gothic,who's probably fine on her own."

"What do you want with them for?" chuckled Grandma, "I know this house better than anyone. Now, which room was I looking for again?"

Lurch groaned as he pointed toward the right, and with a nod Grandma led them into a circular room with dozens of chains hanging down from the ceiling.

"From here," Grandma said, "we can practically scour the whole household. Just grab one of those handles and hold on tight. If we all split up we can-"

"Cover more ground, I know." said Ace, rolling her eyes.

"I was going to say 'have more fun', actually. Ooh- don't touch that one if you like your arm." The old woman said, before grabbing a handle and pulling down. She have an excited shout as the chain then pulled her up to Ace-knew-not-where. A second later, Lurch followed her example, groaning as he too was pulled up.

Ace inhaled, before grabbing a random handle and pulling it down. Rather then be pulled up however, Ace felt the ground leave from under her, and looked down to see that a hole had been made where she was standing. Her eyes widened, and she was falling before she could even exclaim.

* * *

 

The Doctor and Wednesday were doing their own snooping at the time.

"Sorry you couldn't go with your parents, Wednesday." The man said.

"No need. Covering the ballroom is probably best for them. Waltzing together usually helps them after a stressful day. Besides, with all the stories you tell about solving problems whenever you visit, I figured you would be the more practical partner."

"Well, I don't mean to brag-"

The Doctor was interrupted by the sound of banging in a nearby room.

"Wednesday, that's your uncle's room, yes?"

"Yeah."

"And it's locked from the outside. Whose idea was that?"

"My uncle."

"Oh, yes of course. Sounds like someone or something is in there. Care to have a look."

The girl nodded, and after unlocking the door and stepping in, the two quickly covered their eyes as a bright light shone around the room. In a split second, the Doctor picked up that the light was moving, and in the corner of the room was Pugsley, cowering away from it as it zoomed about. The Doctor and Wednesday ducked as the thing flew toward them, and in doing so crashed straight into the door, shutting it once again.

On instinct, The Doctor point his screwdriver at the thing and shone it. The thing flew more erratically around the room, before eventually flying straight through the window into the family graveyard.

Rushing toward Pugsley, The Doctor and Wednesday knelt beside him, the latter putting a hand on his shoulder.

"What are you doing here, Pugsley?" The Doctor asked. "I thought you were with Agent J."

"I was," said the boy, "h-he, he locked me in here, and then I found that thing, a-and-"

"He's stuttering." Wednesday said. "He's scared. It got to him. That flying thing is what did this to Uncle Fester and it did it to him too."

"You might be right in that assumption Wednesday." The Doctor said, moving his hand to Pugsley's face. "Hold still Pugsley."

Holding Pugsley's eyelids open, The Doctor observed his eye.

"Should we tell the others it's happened?" Wednesday said. "Or we could go after that thing. It's in the graveyard."

"One thing at a time, I have to I observe the physical effects that thing had while they're fresh. May give us more data than Fester..."

A snapping sound brought Wednesday's attention to the ceiling, while The Doctor continued to look over her brother.

"Hmm, dilated pupils." the Time Lord noted. "Not unlike Ace after being neuralyzed... They were probably present in your Uncle before we found him, I'm guessing they wore off. "

"W-what does that mean?" Pugsley asked nervously.

"Doctor?" Wednesday asked.

"It means whatever did this to you did it with visual stimuli, I'm guessing with that light it had. Probably compressed it into a flash."

"I-I do remember a flash, actually..."

"And what about the thing itself, can you describe it? I'm afraid your sister and I didn't get a good look."

Pugsley only had enough time to shake his head before another snapping sound was heard, and this time, his gaze joined Wednesday's.

"Doctor?" The kids chorused.

"Pugsley, let me look at your ear." The man asked, seeming to pay no attention.

" _Doctor_!" again. Snapping again.

It was on the fourth snap sound that The Doctor's eyes widened.

"This..." he started, "is your uncle's room."

Wednesday nodded.

"The room where you left...a bed of spikes." The Doctor finally joined the children's gaze, seeing that very same bed of spikes strapped to the ceiling with rope. Rope that was quickly snapping.

As the rope broke, the spikes fell. The bed was about the size of the ceiling itself, so it swung (more like shook) slightly with every fall. Pugsley let put a little frightened sound, and even Wednesday seemed to recognize a slight amount of danger to herself. The Doctor, on the other hand, recognized a LOT of danger to himself, and he quickly grabbed the children's hands.

"Ok." He said, standing them up with him, "It's fallen too low for us to get out through the window. I'll just sonic the door open and we can-"

Before the Doctor could finish, the bed fell considerably lower, forcing the three of them back into a crouching position. The Doctor quickly aimed his screwdriver at the door, and managed to unlock it. It was still a fair distance away, so they all began to crawl for it.

"Hurry." Shouted Pugsley, " _Hurry_!"

The spikes fell yet again, forcing the three of them even closer to the ground, and snapping the knob off the door. The knob rolled past the three of them, as if taunting them, and Pugsley whined in fear yet again.

"Don't worry, don't worry." The Doctor said, his eyes darting around what little he could still see of the room. "I'll find another way out. But perhaps it's best if we don't move. We could accidentally nudge it, bring it down even faster. I just need time to think."

And so they lay, silent and largely motionless for what seemed like a small eternity, the spikes hanging above them menacingly.

"Well," said Wednesday, "there's Uncle Fester's surprise ruined."

* * *

 

Directly below the trio in peril, Ace found herself being plopped onto the floor out a compartment. Her little fall had led to a dizzying slide, the kind of which seemed to be littering the construction of the home. Climbing to her feet, she felt over herself and realized that her bag was gone. Looking around, she spotted it on the floor, apparently having slid past her. Grabbing it, she realized that one of her canisters of Nitro-9 seemed to be missing. Listening closely, she heard what was obviously the canister rolling away from her. She ran up to grab her homemade explosive, before it could trigger, but a voice stopped her.

"Yo, Doctor!" Yelled the voice of Agent J as he wandered the same dark floor, looking for the man who seemed to have all the answers.

"Doc!" He yelled again. "We need to talk about some things!"

Ace stood quite, waiting for the man to continue. The last time she had stumbled on the man she had apparently gotten her memory wiped, and though The Doctor had taken his neuralyzer, she remained wary of the man, and what he would do if stumbled upon again. Getting into a position so as to see the man, her wariness intensified as she saw what looked like a minuscule firearm in his hand. It looked almost like a toy to the girl, but the way the man handled it seemed to say otherwise.

Meanwhile, the canister of Nitro-9 continued to roll on, J now picking up its sound.

"Listen, Doc, or whoever's down here, I'm tryin' to give y'all the benefit of the doubt, but this alien hunt is seriously starting to freak me out. So whoever's down here, let's just talk about what's going on."

It was then that multiple things happened within a moment of each other. Ace noticed the Nitro-9 rolling toward J's foot. J noticed this as well. J screamed. The toy gun was fired, and the Nitro-9 was hit.

Regardless of what happened next, both Ace decided that taking cover was the smartest decision available to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, longest chapter yet. I didn't quite mean for that to happen, but it at least wanted to get to the bed of spikes and the explosion by the end of this one, so mission accomplished I guess. As for characterization, it's a tiny bit hard to hit that sweet spot I'm looking for with J. As this is after he's been an MIB Agent for a while, I wanted him to be a bit more cynical and aloof than he is when working with K, though I worry I may have gone overboard with it. The same can possibly be said for my attempts to make Ace the straight man to all the craziness.


	5. An Addams' Amygdalae

***KABOOM***

The whole building shook. Shaking along with it was the bed of spikes in Fester's room, which hung precariously about three inches from Wednesday, Pugsley and The Doctor.

"What was that?" Asked Pugsley in a panic.

"Grandma's cooking, perhaps." Came the monotone voice of his sister, laying directly beside him.

"No, no." Said The Doctor, "It definitely came from downstairs, but if I had to hazard a guess I'd say it was directly below us. We're rather lucky this whole room didn't go up instantly. It was probably relatively small..."

"Most people I ask would consider instantaneous death better than being slowly crushed to death with spikes." The girl said casually.

"Yes, well it only figures you'd ask that question." The Doctor said, before he was interrupted by Pugsley sobbing his eyes out.

"We're all gonna die." He shouted, "We're gonna die! We're gonna die! We're gonna die!"

Wednesday shared a pair of raised eyebrows with The Doctor.

"Explain this." She said. "Now."

"On it." The Doctor said, moving his arm to Pugsley's head and keeping it still. With his screwdriver in the other hand, he remained wary of the spikes above him as he pointed it at Pugsley's ear.

"What are you doing?" Pugsley asked, still hyperventilating.

"Nothing you need to worry about, it will only be a minute." The man said as the screwdriver buzzed.

Wednesday, meanwhile, was giving her brother a stern look.

"What?" Pugsley asked, not comprehending her silent message.

"Why are you so worried?" the girl said, her voice growing slowly more accusatory. "It's just a bed of spikes. You're the one who put it up in the first place."

" _WHY DID I DO THAT?!"_ The boy yelled, just as a creaking sound was heard throughout the room and the spikes dropped an inch lower.

Pugsley yelped, while The Doctor withdrew his screwdriver and looked it over.

"Make him calm down!" Wednesday ordered The Doctor.

"Hmm? Ah, sorry. Pugsley, I would tell you something calming and reassuring about our chances of making out of this alive, but seeing as I don't quite have a plan for that yet, you're going to have to accept that these may be our last moments together. Instead of fussing over it, do what I do and put those moments to use...

Unsurprisingly, the words were of little solace, and Pugsley began whimpering in fear.

* * *

 

Immediately below those three, both Agent J and Ace stood from the wreckage of the blown up room.

"Well," Ace said from her place of cover, "the old Nitro-9 doesn't usually pack that much of a punch."

"Yeah," said J, slightly embarrassed, "that might've been my fault."

The 'Noisy Cricket', J's momentary choice of weapon, packed quite a wallop in its own right. So much so that it had luckily pushed J himself a safe distance away from the bomb just as it went off.

"No kidding it's your fault!" Ace said as she punched J in the shoulder. "That has to be the it heist trigger finger I've ever seen."

"Ow! Hey, can you blame me? A family full of creeps who've tried to take my head off at least six times since I got in here, and your Doctor pal sending us all on a monster hunt. I dunno about you, but when I find a monster, things tend to end with me shootin' a gun and things blowing up anyway."

"I'm sure. Either that or you erasing people's memories without their permission.

"Hey, I've had it checked out, alright? Those things don't actually cause brain cancer."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better? You scream like a girl, too!"

The two's bickering was stopped as they heard a groaning sound. Looking around them, they noticed that the foundation connecting the room to the one above had been heavily damaged by the explosion. Sharing a quick glance, the two ran for cover yet again.

* * *

 

"Aha!" The Doctor shouted.

"Aha?" Wednesday asked, ignoring her brother's frightened sounds.

"According to the screwdriver, something's expanded Pugsley's amygdala."

"His what?"

"My what?"

"The part of the brain that produces fear. They're a collection of Limbic organs that send signals in the presence of danger. Your family's always tended to have rather small amygdalae for humans. Hence the low survival instinct. Of course, silly Doctor, you should've checked Fester's amygdala first."

"What do you mean?" Wednesday questioned, interrupting The Doctor's self-chastising.

"Notice how all of your uncle's behavioral changes were rooted in fearsomehow. He was suddenly frightened of what he'd been used to for his whole life. His amygdala must have expanded as well!"

It was then that the creaking sound returned, and the three looked about the room.

"Uh oh..." The Doctor said, spotting the source of the noise. "That explosion below us may have been more powerful than I gave it credit for."

"What do you mean?" Pugsley asked, fearing more bad news.

"Find something to hold on to, preferably something rooted to the floor, then do it. Tightly."

The children did so, and a moment later, the creaking gave way to crunching, and the floor of the room fell clean away from the rest of it, taking The Doctor, Wednesday and Pugsley down with it. The bed of spikes rocketed further away in their vision as they dropped at least a dozen feet to the lower floor. The short trip was accented by shouts from The Doctor and Pugsley, and it's landing signaled by a loud crash.

Their clinging to the floor meant that the trio's landing was at least slightly cushioned, and even then Wednesday hypothesized they would have all survived the fall anyway. She looked up from the broken wood and dust surrounding her to see Pugsley practically frozen in shock next to her, and The Doctor having already stood up a few feet away. The Time Lord dusted himself off and twirled his hat back onto his head, looking at the girl with a smile.

"Certainly a better alternative to being crushed to death."

Wednesday neglected to return the man's smile, before both their gazes turned to Ace and J, sitting haphazardly just outside the perimeter of the wrecked floor. The two onlookers stared with disbelief, both at what had just occurred, and the almost immediate recovery of the recipients.

Ace and J turned to each other, the latter deciding to speak first.

"...I do not scream like a girl!"

"MOVE!" The Doctor suddenly shouted, prompting the Addams children out of the wreckage with him just as another snap was heard, and the bed of spikes fell the distance downward, landing on the splintered mass with a massive thud.

It was then that Grandma, Thing, Lurch, Morticia and Gomez all suddenly appeared in the doorway, looking over the mess with concern.

"It looks like we missed a party." Gomez said, after confirming that the other five were still alive to hear him. He and the others were met with five faces turning to them, all with varying degrees of relief and terror.

* * *

 

Pugsley refused to remove himself from his mothers torso for the next several minutes. During that time, The Doctor had explained what happened, and what he'd learned of Fester's (and now Pugsley's) condition.

"My first guess after learning about the amygdala," The Doctor said, "was to assume that this creature, whatever it is, feeds off fear. It would certainly make sense; find an environment that typically produces fear and up the susceptibility of those present."

"But you don't think that's what it is, because...?" J prompted.

"Because there are so many places where that would be easier. Pugsley and Fester's survival instinct hasn't been made abnormal, it's only been increased to the level of an average human, say you or Ace." The Doctor leaned forward on his umbrella, resting his chin on his hands. He took in J's raised eyebrow at the words 'average human'.

"So what does that mean, Professor?"

"It means...well, I'm not sure what it means. I'm not sure what this creature has to gain from changing the way Pugsley and Fester think, of all things. As a matter of fact, I'm not certain it's a creature at all."

"How so, Doctor?" Morticia asked, tenderly petting her son's head.

"I didn't get the best look at it before, but the screwdriver seemed to have quite an effect on it, and it didn't look at all organic. Add to that the way it effects people; through a flash similar to the neuralyzer, and I'd say we're very likely dealing with a machine."

"A robot?" Ace asked, "Weird. What would one be doing here of all places?"

"What it wants does not matter." Gomez said suddenly. He had been fuming to himself next to his wife ever since he'd learned of Pugsley's condition. "Whether this is a machine or a man makes no difference to me. First, it has robbed my brother of his identity, his very ESSENCE! And now it dares to do the same to my son!? This won't stand!"

Gomez marched over to his collection of swords, looking to The Doctor with a grin on his face and fury in his eyes.

"Gomez," The Doctor said cautiously, "I don't yet know if the process is reversible. For all we know, we could have the two of them back to themselves before the night is up.'

"And yet I still can't let any being think they have the right to do this to my family." Gomez responded.

"You say this thing landed in the graveyard?" He asked.

"That seemed to be the place, yes."

"Good." Gomez said, selecting his weapon and pulling it out. "Then it will have had time to get used to its new home."

With that, Gomez stalked outside the house, everyone looking after him as he left, muttering to himself.

"Lurch," Morticia said, turning to the manservant, "have Gomez' train set ready when he gets back in. I feel murder will do little to quell his rage tonight."

Lurch nodded, and went off to his work.

Morticia sensed Ace and J looking at her with questioning gazes.

"My husband has a habit of playing with his trains when he's upset."

"Well," Ace said with a shrug, "we all have to let off steam somehow."

The girl then exchanged a fist bump with The Doctor, both grinning at her well-timed pun. Rolling his eyes, J stood up and returned to the kitchen.

"Going to check on those DNA results you took J?" The Doctor called. The agent turned but did not respond.

"Do be a gent and check mine last, if you wouldn't mind."

J still said nothing, but turned to his machine and covertly checked The Doctor's sample first. After doing so, he immediately walked back into the room, exchanging eye contact with the older man for just a second, before announcing his momentary leave to go outside.

"What was that about, Professor?" Ace asked after J had gone.

"If all went according to plan, Ace, Agent J has just confirmed the presence of at least one alien in this house..."

* * *

 

"I'm telling you Zed, this guy is not even close to human. His species doesn't even look like it's registered." J spoke into his communicator.

"And this is the same 'friend of the family', eh?"

"Yep. He's being helpful so far, but I've gotta hunch he knows a lot more than he's letting on."

"What'd you say his name was?"

"Um...haven't quite got that, sir. Everyone just calls him 'The Doctor'."

At that, Zed's eyes widened, and without another word he severed the communication.

"Zed? Zed? Yo, Zed!" J called, before giving up with a sigh.

"Nice talkin' to you..."

* * *

 

Wednesday looked begrudgingly at the scene around her. Grandma, Morticia, and Ace had all taken it upon themselves to comfort Pugsley in his new state. The latter seemed to be the only doing an effective job, as many calming activities the other two suggested would only serve to accidentally terrify the boy again.

Wednesday turned when she felt her seat in the couch shift slightly, and saw The Doctor sitting next to her.

"You lost your cool a bit upstairs." The man said to her. "What happened?"

The girl hesitated to answer for a moment, before turning to him with a serious expression.

"Pugsley's never afraid of dying. He shouldn't be. Neither should Uncle Fester."

"Well, the effect of the flash physically altered their brains. It seems to me they're more deserving of your sympathy than anything else."

Wednesday turned to the man, looking at him as if to say 'Really?'

"Well then, I suppose not." The Doctor conceded, leaning back into the couch.

"I think most people prefer their families stay a certain way." Wednesday said, turning back to her brother. "The way they are now... They might as well not be Fester and Pugsley. They might as well not be my family."

The Doctor had no response for that, so instead he placed his hand on Wednesday's shoulder, drawing her attention again.

"With that said," he began, "I'm certain every bone in your body wants to go follow your father to the graveyard and personally make sure he succeeds in destroying whatever did this."

Wednesday said nothing, but nodded very slightly.

"Then what's stopping us?"

With that, the two of them practically bounded off the couch and ran outside, the others giving them a glance off before returning their attention to Pugsley.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN:Yet another chapter that didn't end quite where I planned it to, but oh well. In the conceptual stage, I had always planned on the creature being something that threatens the family by changing the way they viewed each other, and I hope I captured that a little bit with Wednesday here. Lord knows a physical threat wasn't going to be of any effectiveness. Next chapter, things start getting explained, and more J


	6. Bright Light Enters Sight Tight

The crunching of leaves followed Wednesday and The Doctor as they strode through the graveyard, searching for their target. The sonic screwdriver buzzed, up until the moment The Doctor stopped and turned it off.

"Wednesday do you hear that?" he asked, indicating the faint sound of shouting and clanging a ways off from them. The girl nodded, before suddenly a flash of light the same distance away drew their attention. The two shared a glance, before running to the direction of the flash.

They came to a small clearing amongst the graves, where lying with his eyes wide open his sword in his hand was Gomez. The two needed only guess what had happened to him, and with a pale grimace Wednesday made to move toward her father. Before she could, however, the same thing that she had seen earlier flew into her vision, and she knew they had found what they were looking for.

It could best be described as a floating white-green metal sphere, with pronged tips coming off it in diagonal directions and a large circular lens making up its middle. Said lens looked not unlike that of a camera that had just taken a flash photo, with the light slowly fading out of it. As that light faded, however, a smaller lens popped out of one of its prongs. This lens produced a green light, which ran itself over both The Doctor and Wednesday.

"Ah." said the former, "I do believe I recognize you..."

"You do?" Wednesday asked, trying and failing to step out of the path of the green light as she eyed her father.

"Yes." Said The Doctor, giving it a once over with his screwdriver just to be certain. "Don't worry about your father, he's fine. Well as fine as Pugsley and Fester are, at least."

"What _is_ this thing?"

"A Fibnoan Regulator Droid! Slowly, Wednesday, step away from me." The man said. He turned to the girl and, realizing that even though she'd done what he said the term held no significance to her, continued. "The Fibnoans are a race Ace and I have had a recent encounter with. Their civilization was a rather distasteful monarchy, you see. The Grand King Xingytot the third was in the bad habit of doing everything he could to totally eradicate free will. 'Individuality makes things much to unmanageable.' he would say, 'I haven't quite got the energy to meet the needs of free thinkers.'"

As The Doctor talked, he stepped slowly in the opposite direction to Wednesday, continuing to buzz his screwdriver at the droid, which was now looking between the two of them slowly.

"So he took it upon himself to have designed a line of droids that would systematically destroy all variance in thought amongst the entire Fibnoan species. There was a core set of standards encoded in each droid, and any Fibnoan that didn't meet those standards had their thoughts changed, their brain physically altered to meet them."

"And what's it doing here?"

"Scanning us."

"I mean what's it doing on Earth?"

"Oh yes, that. I'm afraid I didn't quite appreciate Xingytot's methods and, well, one thing led to another and before I knew it Ace and I had devised a whole revolution and taken Xingytot down. I thought I'd destroyed all the droids, but it seems one escaped and found its way here. A malfunction of some kind must have widened its parameters. Rather than detecting abnormalities in Fibnoans specifically, it's doing it with every species it can find. So it went looking for the most abnormal humans possible and found...you."

Wednesday gave The Doctor and odd look, before the green lens disappeared, and again the droid looked between the two of them.

"I take it that means it's done scanning us."

"Indeed. Now it's trying to decide who's the greater outlier amongst their species; you amongst yours or me amongst mine."

The Doctor grew steadily more frustrated as they both stepped back from the robot, neither taking their eyes off it as it advanced on them.

"Argh, the screwdriver isn't working." He said. "Back on Fibnoa I was able to dismantle each droid with it, but this one's somehow adapted to it. I can't do more than mildly confuse it."

Turning again to the girl, The Doctor said "Wednesday, any moment now it's going to decide which of us to turn. You need to run, before-".

But it was already too late. The droid had fixed its sights on the girl, and was roving towards her, as its main kens began to glow steadily brighter.

"It's going to flash! Wednesday, _run_!"

But Wednesday couldn't run. For the first time she could remember, she was frozen in fear. This thing coming toward her could do the one thing that truly frightened her. It could make it so she was no longer Wednesday. No longer an Addams. The prospect terrified her beyond movement, and she knew that even if she choose to run, there was no real escape. Provoked, this thing could move much faster then she could. She paled further, as the flash came.

And yet just as it did, Wednesday found her surroundings getting suddenly darker. The flash still came, yet she felt no different at all then she had a moment ago. Blinking her brain back to work, she realized she was suddenly wearing what seemed to be a pair of sunglasses, and standing over her was Agent J, who had shielded his own eyes after placing the glasses on her.

"J?" The Doctor asked, before without a word J yanked the glasses off Wednesday and tossed them to The Doctor. The Time Lord placed the dark spectacles on a turned to the droid, just as it made to face him. Another flash, and the droid's lens began to dim again before it flew off, heading back into the house.

"'S it gone?" questioned J, his eyes still covered with his own arm.

"...Yes." The Doctor said, stepping back toward the other two.

"It's gone." Breathed Wednesday incredulously. "W-why is it gone?"

"Because," The Doctor said, "it got us. Or at least, it thinks it did. Thanks to these."

He held up the shades, which J quickly took back, tapping them to his temple and giving The Doctor a wary look.

"I heard you guys over here, figured you found somethin'." J said. "You said this thing flashed people to change the way they think. I figured I had a pair of these on hand, and they tend to be helpful with flashy-things."

"Of course. Yes of course!" The Doctor muttered."Glasses designed by the M.I.B to protect the brain from electrostatic interference. Of course it would protect from the Fibnoan Droid, it operates on the same principle as the neuralyzer!"

Wednesday listened dazedly to The Doctor, but the sound of Gomez waking up grabbed her full attention, as she ran to hug her father.

"Ugh." Gomez groaned, rubbing his forehead as he looked at his daughter.

"Wednesday, dear." He began, his voice much softer and quieter than usual, "Have you always been so pale?"

It was then that Gomez realized he was caressing his forehead with a hand that still had a sword in it, and with a yelp dropped it.

* * *

 

Lurch was a man of few words. Many would say his status as a man was far more debatable than his status as a stoic. Very rarely, though, could his silence be attributed to a loss of words to use. Except in this case. For in this case, he had just seen Gomez Addams tell his wife that he didn't like her dress.

Gomez had just arrived back in the house, with The Doctor, J and Wednesday, and Morticia could hardly suppress a gasp when they walked in. Her husband's demeanor walking into the door alone had set her off to what happened, and she moved him to sit on the couch with her and their son. Their daughter sat wordlessly next to Ace, whose eyes were bearing unbridled sympathy for the girl she had found monstrous not two hours ago.

When Gomez had said he was fine, everyone knew he at least thought he was telling the truth. But it was his offhand comment about Morticia's dark dress not doing much for his mood that had half the household staring at him with eyes the size of dinner plates. In Thing's case, the sentiment was expressed without eyes.

"But, mi amor..." Morticia began hesitantly, "you got me this dress."

That was another new one for Lurch. He had never known Morticia to hesitate in anything. To sound so hurt by another's words.

Indeed, for Morticia to feel so hurt, and for something that was ultimately so petty, was an alien experience. She glanced at Grandma, as Gomez rubbed his head in confusion.

"Yes, well, I suppose I must've. But perhaps it wouldn't hurt for me to brighten this place up in the future..."

Morticia rose from her seat, and with some assistance from Grandma, quietly left the room.

"Don't give it any mind." The older woman said. "It's the mind alteration talking."

"You say this machine was meant to... 'normalize' people, Doctor?" Morticia asked The Doctor as she passed by him. "I find no normalcy in this. Only fear."

As they continued on, and The Doctor leant solemnly against the wall, it was something resembling anger that Lurch felt the desire to find what had been doing this to his family and crush it with his bare hands. For he was an Addams, and they gladly feast on those that would subdue them.

* * *

 

The Doctor was visibly in thought, his expression betraying guilt and sadness in equal measure. A moment later, Ace moved over to lean next to her mentor. She figured she had done the right thing by leaving Wenesday to be comforted by her (admittedly apprehensive) brother. The way the pale girl was glaring daggers at Pugsley made her think twice about her decision.

"Hey." Ace whispered to The Doctor.

"Hey." He repeated.

Ace sighed, before she continued. "Listen, Professor, this is a Fibnoan thing we're dealing with right? I thought we just got done dealing with those guys."

"Yes, so did I..."

"Really?" The question mad The Doctor turn to his young friend. "Because Wednesday has a theory. She thinks...she thinks that you knew the droid would be here. That that's why you came to visit them today of all days."

The Doctor didn't answer her.

"Professor? Doctor, if you knew this thing was here and you didn't tell this family-!"

"Then this is my fault, I know!" The Doctor said curtly. "I know."

Ace crossed her arms and gave a shaky nod. Silently, she noted that it was strange, the way she used to think it impossible for her Professor to do something like this.

"Listen." She said after an inhale. "I won't drag it out if you, ok? I wouldn't put it past you to know what we're dealing with before we even see it. But I refuse to believe that you don't know how to fix this. How to get Fester and Gomez and Pugsley back to normal- er, back to 'Addams'. Or at least stop this droid. You have to have a plan. You always do."

The Doctor looked directly ahead, not responding. Not bothering to attempt for his attention again, Ace followed the Time Lord's gaze to Agent J, who was standing just outside the front door, staring at the blackened sky above him.

"I'm working on it." The Doctor said, his voice full of resolve, as he stepped outside to join the agent.

* * *

 

"Hey." J said, not turning his gaze away from the stars as The Doctor walked up to him, and assimilated his line of sight. That is, he didn't turn until he heard The Doctor's first comment.

"It's a thankless job isn't it?"

"You seem to know a lot about my job." J said seriously, "And about the alien droid we're dealing with."

The Doctor gave a grin. "So, you've put the pieces together. That's good."

J met the man with a smirk of his own. "Believe me, I put the pieces together a while ago."

"That's better."

"Yeah...maybe not." J said. "The MIB seemed to freak out a bit when I told them you were here, but I'm having a hard time seeing why. Not gonna lie I thought you were a weirdo at first, maybe an undercover alien criminal mastermind or something but..."

The man sighed, trying to work out how to continue. "...I joined the MIB to help people. To protect people from aliens. To do the right thing. But here I am, and the only one I know for sure is an alien, is the one trying to help people. And I'm...not."

The Doctor places a reassuring hand on the man's shoulder as he continued.

"You're right. This job, it does things to you. There's a family right in there that loves each other, even if they are... freaky as hell. The M.I.B would make you think they don't mean nothin', so long as they're left in the dark."

"Tsk-tsk-tsk." The Doctor said, with a kind smile. "J, I know more than anyone in the Men In Black what it feels like to see things in the universal scale. How it can make the Earth and everyone on it seem just so very small. But eventually I came to realize just how big every little person is. Every person, human or no. And that bigness comes from the weirdness. The oddness and strangeness of the universe is what should make the life of an M.I.B agent amazing, not a chore. The creepy, the kooky, the mysterious and the spooky, they're all what makes life worth living. If one can't appreciate the strange, rather than see it as a threat...then you might as well be dead. Grand Kind Xingytot of Fibnoa didn't realize that, and now we're dealing with his mess."

J nodded, understanding the man, and thinking of a way to respond.

"But," The Doctor continued before J could say anything, "I think you already know that. You saved Wednesday, you saved me. I think, if you didn't before, then you want to help this family now."

"Human or not?" J asked, as if genuinely looking for confirmation.

The Doctor smiled again, and pulled J's neuralyzer out of his coat pocket.

"Human or not." He said, handing the device to the agent, who looked at him in surprise. "I assure you it's fully operational."

J looked over the neuralyzer, confirming that it was functioning just fine. He didn't need to ask The Doctor why he'd given it back. It was a sign of trust. Human or not, he decided there, these people were ultimately kind people, and they were victims.

"I take it I can't just blow this thing up with the Noisy Cricket if we wanna find a way to fix the men of the house." He said with a smile. "So how do I help?"

"Oh, you already have." The Doctor said nonchalantly. This statement was followed immediately by what J recognized as the sound of several M.I.B standard pistols being armed. The two looked to see the front of the house surrounded by an entire squad of Men In Black. All of their firearms were trained on The Doctor, and standing directly in the middle of them all was Zed himself.

"Step away from The Doctor, Agent J." Zed said, taking a step toward the two men as The Doctor closed the front door behind him before looking it with the sonic screwdriver.

J gave an incredulous look to The Doctor, who returned it with a wide smile, directed first at him and then at the surrounding agents.

"Zeeed. Zed the Head. It's time we talked."


	7. Victory

"You know, you really didn't have to go to nearly all this expense for my sake, Zed."

The Doctor was currently being walked to a rather large truck, Zed walking ahead of him and an armed M.I.B agent on each side. The truck was devoid of any identifying markers or numbers, as to be expected. J was a few paces away, glancing at the scene uneasily.

"Forgive me Doctor," said Zed as the Doctor was prodded into the back of the truck "but you've proven that you are indeed worth every expense."

"I'm confused." said J, as the other agents piled into the truck. "A, what the Hell's going on, and B, since when is calling up a whole squad of the boys and making a pick up at gunpoint how we roll?"

Zed raised an eyebrow, before turning to the others in the truck. "Excuse us, gentlemen, I have to debrief Agent J on the situation he's found himself in."

With that, the back of the truck was closed, as the Agent's weapons remained trained on the Doctor. Zed motioned for J to follow him to the front of the truck. There, Zed sat in the drivers seat, but the vehicle was moving before he'd even touched the steering wheel.

"Take us to headquarters." Said the superior, a map displaying on a screen in the truck as they made their way.

"Autopilot?" J questioned, with a hint of jealousy. "Any reason my ride couldn't be fitted with that?"

"It's reserved for special cases." Zed chuckled, before quickly turning serious. "How much do you know about that man in the back of the truck, J?"

"Not much," J said after a moments thought, "aside from the fact that he's here to help."

"I'm sure he'd like you to think that. But the Doctor and the Men In Black have a history of...disagreements. He was trying to help who the Addams'? They're designated as targets, J, don't forget that."

"I got it, Zed, but we don't even have any proof they aren't humans yet. Even if they aren't, my gut's telling me we're dealing with a 'come in peace' deal."

"I don't particularly care what your gut tells you, agent. It was your job to GET us proof of their intentions. Instead you let the galaxy's biggest manipulator drag you on what's probably a wild goose chase, or a cover up. Now putting the screws to him is the only way to be sure of what's going on in that house."

J turned to Zed, feeling as of he was certainly missing out on some kind of backstory.

* * *

 

Upon their arrival at headquarters, The Doctor seemed no worse for wear. Zed rolled his eyes as the Time Lord shook the hands and even patted the shoulders of some of the agents who had been in the vehicle with him, giving a jovial smiled before most of them went off to their other obligations. It was then that Zed beckoned the Doctor and J up to his office. J raised an eyebrow as the Doctor seemed a bit too happy bumping into a few passing agents, before the were each states in Zed's large white room.

"So Doctor." Zed opened, staring levelly at the short man. "To what do we owe another visit to our fair planet?"

"Oh, you know, nothing particularly special is necessary to give my little blue pet project a once over, especially what with my apprentice and close friend being a native."

"Hold up," J interjected, "'pet project'?"

"Well it might as well be, with the amount of times I've helped shape it up into what it is."

"And hence the root of our problem." came Zed. "We've met nearly half a dozen times now, Doctor, and every one of your appearances seems to herald some kind of world-ending threat. Now that wouldn't be so bad, planetary-near-death-experiences come every other Thursday, but your refusal to explain your role in these instances has you on our watch list. Now here you are, again, interfering in our investigation of a whole family of potential invaders."

"Oh come off it, Zed. The Addams' aren't invaders, they've been around for generations on generations. They're harmless."

The Doctor looked between Zed and J, back pedaling slightly when he saw them both raise an eyebrow.

"Well, they're not intentionally harmful."

"I'm perfectly willing to believe that's true, but I'm not going to jump at your word until either you or they are registered with Men In Black and put under our supervision."

"Bah. The day I submit them or myself to this organization is the day I acknowledge it having any sort of power."

"Are you saying we don't?"

"I'm saying you don't. You save the world daily, and that's admirable Zed. You're good people, I think. But don't assume for a moment that your influence, or your universe, can hold a candle to mine. You're a help in the long run, but your view is too narrow for a universe so large. I've seen you in action, Zed, and you're too quick to resign, to take the cynical option, let the Earth or a single Earthling die because in the the great big galaxy what does it matter? There's a family of good, decent living beings in distress, and I can help them far better than you could if you'd just trust me."

"The MIB doesn't do 'trust', Doctor, not without a reason, it's blown up in our faces too many times."

"Hey!" J yelled, gathering the attention of the older men. "You told me to do my job, Zed, and I did it. I ran recon on that family, and the Doctor's right. They're decent people, and priority número uno should be getting them out of danger, don't you think?"

There was a silence, before Zed sighed. "If the Doctor would submit to some questioning, so we could ascertain the level of this danger-"

"We don't have time." The Doctor was quick to say, before reaching for his coat pocket and pulling out a pair of shades

"J!" He yelled, and several things happened at once. Reflexively, J reached for his own pocket, pulling out his shades and placed them on. The Doctor then pulled out J's neuralyzer, and Zed, not being quite so fast, had just risen out of his chair in time to be blasted point blank with it.

"Sit." The Doctor said, and Zed did. "Now I want you to understand something, Zed. I'm the Doctor; you didn't watch me, I watch YOU. Everything you and your little organization do is what I allow, and for everyone's best interest I advise you allow me to do MY work. And hire more Agents like J here."

Zed only nodded, as the Doctor raised a pair of fingers to his lips and whistled loudly. Any comments J had felt like making at the time (namely "What the hell just happened?") were interrupted by a sound the agent couldn't quite find the right words to describe, followed by the sudden arrival of a wooden blue box in the office.

"Come on, J." The Doctor called, walking to the box and opening the door.

"Whoa whoa whoa, hold up now!" J said indignantly, pulling out the Noisy Cricket and leveling it at The Doctor. "I ain't stepping in a tiny-ass box with the guy who just nueralyzed my boss, not without some answers."

"J," The Doctor said with an exasperated sigh, "I'm only trying to help. Zed's not being anything but an obstacle. You KNOW that, or you wouldn't have seen that coming, now get inside!"

J groaned, knowing he was right, before throwing the gun down.

"What are we gonna do with a wooden box anyway?" He asked, running into the box after the Doctor.

Needless to say, he got his answer.

"It's...it's..."

"Bigger on the inside?"

"And one smokin' ass set of wheels, Doc."

The Doctor gave a grin, before J came at him with another question.

"Where'd you get the shades from, anyway."

"I knew I would need them, so I borrowed some from your fellow Agents."

"Agents? Plural?"

The Doctor emptied his pockets to reveal over a half dozen more pairs.

"Well," he started, "I say 'borrowed'. I did mention me and sleight of hand, correct?"

* * *

 

At the Addams estate, Wednesday eyed the area surrounding her with a mix of caution and disdain. She had enlisted Ace's help in barricading all entrances and exits to the living room, where the home' residence were all holed up to avoid any further encounters with the dreaded Droid. Both girls had watched from the window as the Doctor and J were dragged off to parts unknown, and Morticia insisted that they would return momentarily.

"The best we can do know," she said, "Is keep our enemy outside the gates. Should The Doctor and J fail to return, we must be prepared to dispose of this assailant ourselves. Remember, first and foremost, we are Addams's, and we gladly feast on those that would subdue us."

Though Ace would gladly admit to admiring the matriarch's self-confidence, it didn't take long for her to start pacing impatiently while the men of the house all conversed among themselves just how odd this whole situation was. Gomez made a noise of disgust as he moved away from a hovering Thing, holding a box of Cuban cigars in his hand.

"Can you believe I used to smoke these things? Absolutely awful!"

He tossed the box at Thing, who jitter end in anger before grabbing it and putting it somewhere more appropriate.

"That thing is not my father." Wednesday muttered to herself, as Ace placed a sympathetic hand on her shoulder.

All activity ceased, however, as the sound of the TARDIS materializing into the room rang through all ears.

"Ace!" The Doctor shouted, tossing her a pair of shades before he and J had even fully stepped out of the box. "I have a plan."

* * *

 

The Fibnoan Droid was floating throughout the house, searching for further targets. In the living room, the Doctor was using his screwdriver to track it.

"It's at...that door! Ace!"

"On it Professor!"

Ace had planted some Nitro 9 near said door and blew it off, barricade and all. This proved to get the Droid's attention.

"Hey you useless bucket of bolts!" Ace shouted, leaving the room so that the Droid could spot her. "You've still got a couple of freaks left! Me included!" With that said she bolted back into the room, the Droid quickly following after her. Once in the middle of the room, she stopped in her tracks, and turned to face the robot. The Droid flashed Ace, only to turn at the sound of rustling behind it. It saw Grandma and Pugsley, and flashed them as well. A groan sounded opposite to them, and the Droid turned to flash Lurch and Wednesday as well.

A clearing of the throat alerted the Droid to the presence of The Doctor, Morticia, Gomez, J and Fester leaning on the railing a story above it. All of the home's residence were surrounding the Droid, all were flashed, and all were wearing shades.

The Doctor gave a chuckle as he descended the stairs.

"Well that's your mission done now, isn't it? You've successfully 'normalized' the entire Addams estate, visitors and all. No one in the immediate vicinity needs any more fixing." He them stopped as he was directly in front of the machine.

"But...oh, wait. There is, isn't there? There's still one being in the house that doesn't conform. You."

The Doctor stared into the Droid's glowing optic, everyone else following his line of vision. Truthfully, none of them knew if the machine could even hear the man.

"You're a _Fibnoan_ Regulator Droid. You were programmed to operate on one species. But now, since coming to this planet you've gone against that programming. The Addams's and I were a higher priority than yourself, but that doesn't change the fact that your existence is at odds with itself. You don't serve your designated function, not to the letter. You're not normal. And there's only one way to correct that, isn't there?"

The Time Lord continued to stare down the robot, until a moment later the glow left it, and it fell with a thud to the floor. Ace walked over to The Doctor, who knelt down beside the Droid and gave it a once over twin his screwdriver.

"Professor, what did you do?"

"Nothing, Ace. I merely convinced it that it had successfully done all it could on everyone in the house. With no one else to operate on, it decided to finally correct it's own deviant programming so it could only effect Fibnoans."

"And with no Fibnoans on the planet," J said, "it shut down."

"Which gives me the perfect opportunity to do...this! Grandma Addams, Morticia, if you could remove the ray-bands from our beloved men of the household..."

The women did just that, snatching the shades off Fester, Pugsley and Gomez, all of whom had a number of questions in their lips. They never got the chance to ask, as The Doctor re-activated the Droid and pointed it at each of them in turn, flashing them yet again.

"Whoa, hey!" J shouted, as the three's eyes widened with realization, "What're you doing?"

"I set it to reverse." The Doctor said with a grin. "Regulated their Amygdalae, fixed up their memories and tastes, brought them back to Addams."

"I...I remember." Fester began, massaging his head. "I remember, being hooked up to the electric chair. Oh, it was AWFUL, no one even bothered to turn it on!"

He then gasped and clutched his head as if remembering something even worse.

"I wasted dinner! Vomited right up!" He en snapped his fingers, as if having an idea, and rushed down the stairs.

"Maybe I can retrieve it from the pipeline!" He said as he rushed, "Finish it properly!"

As he left, Pugsley looked up at the whole that remained in the ceiling, and the wreckage his bed of spikes had caused nearby.

"Wow," he said, "my surprise for Uncle Fester did more damage than I thought it would. Why do I feel like I missed it? I should set up another one."

Unable to stop herself, Wednesday ran to envelop her brother in a hug, and Morticia smiled happily at her children and brother-in-law before turning to her husband.

"And you, Mi Amor? Are you yourself again as well?"

Gomez' face of realization grew into a seductive smile as he looked at his wife.

"Cara Mia," he said, "I do believe there's only one way to find out."

With that, the man swept up his wife and the two shared a passionate kiss. Grandma Addams gave a wolf-whistle, while Ace turned to se Lurch barely holding back tears, and almost couldn't stifle her own giggling at the sight.

The Doctor held out the Droid and looked over it, before presenting it to the Addams's.

"I do believe we might want to dispose of this."

"Startin' to wish I hadn't left the Noisy Cricket at headquarters." J said.

"Fear not, man!" Gomez said, having stopped kissing his wife and shouting bombastically once again. He ran over to a nearby mantle, and pulled from it a shotgun, which he cocked with glee.

"I believe I'd like the honor for myself." He said.

* * *

Everyone stood in front of the house, with Gomez having his shotgun poised at the sky. The Doctor held his hat to his chest and whistled a version of Taps, while Ace brought her fingers to her forehead in salute and Thing provided some beats on a drum. Lurch held the shut-down Droid in his hand, ready to toss it like a frisbee at Gomez' word.

"NOW!" Gomez shouted, and Lurch tossed the machine into the air, where Go,es promptly fired and blew it to pieces. The Droid exploded, and fell to the ground in burning chunks whilst everyone looked on and clapped. Gomez tipped his head, muttering something about "a worthy opponent", before he turned to his family and toss his hands in the air.

"VICTORY!" He shouted, and his family joined him in the cheer.

"CELEBRATORY CIGARS FOR EVERYONE!"

Suddenly, The Doctor, J and Ace all had lit cigars in their mouths faster than they could blink. By the time they HAD blinked, Gomez had already moved on to giving a smoke to Pugsley, Wednesday and Thing. J gave a compromising nod before pulling the stick out of his mouth and flicking it away, while The Doctor and Ace practically spat their's out and proceeded to rub their mouths against their sleeves.

"So," J said, after the traveling duo had stopped coughing up a storm, "I've still got a report to give in to the M.I.B. I'm thinking 'completely human'. How's that sound?"

The Doctor exchanged a wry smile with the other man, turning to look at the family before them. Gomez and Morticia were kissing passionately, whilst every other family member gave a celebratory puff of their cigars.

"'Completely human' will do nice enough."

"Guess ya'll are lucky an M.I.B happened to show up when you needed one, huh?"

The Doctor gave a little snort.

"Luck had nothing to do with it," he said, holding up the pairs of shades and returning to J. "I didn't intend to just blow smoke with that speech in Zed's office, J. The only reason we were taken is because I let Zed take us. And the only reason I did that was to get my hands on these."

"You planned out this whole thing?" Ace said, exchanging a look of disbelief with J.

"Well, you were right Ace. I knew before we arrived that the Droid was here, and I knew just as well that I would need these to combat it. So, I may have tipped off the M.I.B to the Addams's existence, to get an agent over here. Once they were aware of the situation, and especially my involvement, getting to headquarters and taking as many pairs as possible would be a sinch."

J gave a low whistle, clearly impressed.

"You just done played everyone, didn't ya?"

"It's a bad habit of his." Ace said with a grin.

"Of all the Agents they could've sent, J," The Doctor said, "I'm glad it was you."

The two shared a smile, before J bade farewell to the family, and left the home.

"Yeah." He said as he called for a ride to headquarters, "I'd say this has been a 10 on the Weird Shit-o-Meter."

* * *

 

"We owe you our livelihood, Doctor. " Gomez said, giving him a hearty shake of the hand. "Truly it was a miraculous turn of events that you decided to visit."

"Yes, well, you'd have done the same for me and mine." The a Doctor said, looking on as Ace shared a goodbye with Morticia and Wednesday. "However, my next visit should certainly be a more natural Addams affair, don't you agree?"

"Certainly. I'll tell you what, we're planning a family trip to San Francisco on New Years. Why don't you try to swing by?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world." The Doctor said, before bidding farewell to the rest of the family.

"So, Ace," he said as the took off in the TARDIS, the family waving them goodbye as they dematerialized, "would you be up for another visit to our good friends I the future?"

Ace frowned at first, then chuckled.

"Yeah, what the heck." She said. "What've I got to lose? Just so long as I can bring my own food next time."

The Doctor shared her smile, and set the TARDIS coordinates for parts unknown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there's that taken care of. I feel like this ending was a bit oddly paced, but that might just be me. Here's hoping you enjoyed this one, and if you did (or didn't) please read and review. Next time around, we'll be dealing with The Second Doctor, a colorful kingdom, and lots and lots of ice, so look forward to that sometime soon. And I swear the number of chapters was an accident, the next stories not just gonna be two chapters.


End file.
